originally this track was placed at -3:53 on the messages cd, so you had to pause the cd and search backwards to that exact spot in order to hear the song.
it actually started before the first song.
i thought that that was fitting considering the title and the extremely personal nature of the lyrics.
some people complained that it was a pity that the song was so rarely heard, but i've always been a lover of the subtly obscure, and that was definitely a theme on this particular album.
loss of information through human incompatibility with modern technology.
the recording technique jakob and i used to record the vocals on this song was a bit experimental.
we placed 5 microphones in my deadened session room
and i walked freely around the room during my vocal performance.
sometimes i audibly beat my chest, threw things, or even kicked the wall.
it was done in one take and i decided that the vocal was going to be used on the track despite the noise.
the rattly car door is the 1975 ford econoline van that we used on our west coast tour.
we just loved that sound.
we parked it outside the window of my studio so that the microphone cables would reach.
lyrics
i came into this world
with nothing else
but my life to give
...and if i have to die
then i have to live the way
i wanna live
and no one can give me
the wrong answer now
and nobody's there
with a smile
and i sign on their chest
that says "ask me how"
and it's too late
to get what i deserve
i always wanted to ask
and i've finally finally
worked up the nerve
why couldn't you
show me the way?
why didn't you
say all the things
that i needed you to say?
why couldn't you be here today?
to stay
in support of me
to stay
like a fort for me
to stay
i'd love to see you....
stay away from me
you're the last thing i need
now that everything has changed
...and it's much clearer now
now that you're finally
drifting out of range.
and you shouldn't known
that i couldn't forget.
i had to become a man
you didn't have to have so much to regret.
it's hard to believe
you even gave me my name.
it's all i got from you,
except questions,
so i'll ask again...
why couldn't you
notice the way that i watched you for so long
why couldn't you
let some other poor bastard sing this song
why couldn't you
be strong?
...and i'm gone.
...guess i shouldn't have children,
or it'll go on
...and it shouldn't.
i shouldn't be like you.
but i am.
...i am.
am i friend or foe?
it's the end,
but i still don't know where i
begin
to heal myself
begin
to feel myself
begin
to find out who i am
somebody tell me...
where do i begin?
credits
from messages,
released January 1, 2020
wilton-lead vocals, harmony vocals, bass guitar, bass violin
brian lieb-guitar
tim davis-drums
richard hopper-piano
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